Redefine beautiful!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Young Woman, Old Girl

I didn't raise daughters, but I have 'my girls'.  They are K and R, my son's girlfriends and I have known them both for over three years.  Both are uniquely beautiful and both have had their share difficulties in life.  They are smart and work hard for their achievements.  They don't put on acts and play "bitchy", in fact, they are sweet and show their vulnerability without being wimps.

I remember when I was their age and how, not too long ago but before I met these girls, I would think, "I thought I knew everything back then.  What a dumb ass I was!  I wouldn't go back to that age for anything, with all of it's insecurities and challenges."  I found myself expressing to friends of my age, "What I have found, is that 'the older I get, the less I know'!"  Because I have lived more than twice the amount of time on earth as 'my girls' doesn't mean they are not wise.

How many lives have us girls led?

Before knowing K and R I assumed there wasn't much I could learn from young women of their age.  I mean, let's face it, after viewing their generation in action on TV programs such as, "My Sweet Sixteen",  (I think that's the name.  It depicts bratty teen girls who practically send their parents to debtor's prison in order to have a sweet sixteen party and a new sports car for a gift.) "The Kardashian's" and "Jersey Shore", it's no wonder I hadn't much time for their generation of women.  A generation who was raised viewing and revering those tabloid photos of Lindsey, Brittany and Paris behaving like spoiled tramps, not a shred of class or dignity, only to want to be just like them.

Remember when you thought getting married was the end all!

Over the summer, both of 'my girls' were around a lot and not just because my sons were.  They both really enjoy spending time with me.  We can sit for hours talking about school or work or guys or how we aren't feeling good about a certain part of our body.  We also support each other during those times when life slaps us in the face and praise each other for each new accomplishment.  And, I learn plenty from 'my girls' as they learn from me.  After knowing them as I do now, I would go back to those days, but only if I could come back to where I am now.

Life will hone us into the beautiful women we are.

I have met young girls who are old enough to be my sister.  They are the ones who are forever immature, needy and self-absorbed.  Similarly, I have met old women young enough to be my sister, but because of their close-mindedness, negative attitude and inflexibility, they have lost their sense of playfulness and independent spirit.  

Just a bunch of young women, old girls.  Do you see Adrienne back there?

One day, a few weeks back, 'my girls' and I talked about how the three of us were young women, mature and responsible as well as vulnerable and insecure.  We three are also old girls, young at heart and wise, having jumped over many hurdles in our lives. The three of us realize that we are human and flawed.  We will make mistakes.  We will do something stupid.  And, in our humanness find forgiveness for ourselves.  All we can do is to work at being the best we can and to learn from each other.  

I am an old girl but for sure, I am still a young woman!


  1. Deb,

    I love these photos of you when you were a teen and twenty-something. You've always been so pretty and striking.

    I have girlfriends in their 60's but I also have friends in their 20's. Like you said, it depends on the general attitude of the person. Just because someone is young, it doesn't mean they're silly, irresponsible dolts. Likewise, just because someone is older doesn't mean they are sage and have it all "together".

    If we let our age dictate how we are going to feel about ourselves, we'll just keep feeling worse and worse as the years tick by.

    I've never met K, but R is a little sweetheart. You are lucky your boys picked such genuine and kind girls. And K and R are darn lucky to have you as a second mom.



  2. Hi Debra,

    All I can say is amen to that!!

    I am lucky that my daughter has (finally) turned into a level headed young woman. We had a bit of a rocky time earlier this year but our relationship is stronger than ever now...

    I never spoiled her, and she has had to work hard and is proud that she almost has her car paid off and did it mostly by herself.

    It's funny because not too long ago she said "I hope I have boys when I have kids" and I asked her why...she said "because karma is a bitch!"


  3. I thought the same thing after being the middle of three girls. (My poor youngest brother.) It is all perspective. Now I think how great it would be to have girls. they are with you for life!