Happiness or Validation

Me Monday

What do think people really want, happiness or validation?  I hear about a lot of famous people, who are idolized by others.  We look at them and think, they must be happy.

Fiona wrote a great post regarding contentment for her blog "How to be Chic".   I left a comment about how we, as mere humans, look for our value through another's validation of us.  Then I mentioned how "I'd rather set my own standards than to have a skinny teenage model tell me what is hot".

The ugly truth is, I do care what people think about me and I do want to be accepted by others.  What are those things I do or don't do for their recognition, to be seen, look up to; admired?  Well, right now I am writing this post for my blog and I think about what it is I truly hope for with it as I type away my Sunday night. Let's face it, it takes time to write one little post.  At least it does for me.

The first image flashing through my mind is that of thousands of readers all over the world, waiting like kids on Christmas to read my blog.   Now why'd I go and dream up that little scenario?   What would thousands of eager readers have to do with my worth as a human being?  I guess it would mean I'm cool.  People like cool people, so therefor, I would also be liked.

Just after this image flash, the other me jumps in to save the day and I continue typing away my Sunday because I am compelled to.  And because I feel I have something of value to say.  If I could inspire or motivate others to love themselves for their unique beauty and care more about themselves, well that would be cooler than cool.  That would make me happy.  To be cool and happy, now that was something to achieve!

I think about the good old days; trying to make a living and raising my boys.  Did I seek validation from others?   I  worked too hard at being 'correct', as it alone would garner acceptance within my world of motherhood, fitness and making money.

I take a look at that person I was; the deeper darker areas in me that I didn't have the juevos to admit openly to.  Just off the top of my head I come up with:

• I was secretly thrilled that both of my babies weren't satisfied with my breast milk and had to be weaned at three months, give or take.  I'm sorry, I was not the nursing type!
• I would have loved for my kids to have gone to one of those ridiculously prestigious private schools all of my clients had their kids in (but I couldn't afford).
• I did envy that elegantly long, thin woman who wore designer duds and drove a brand new politically incorrect car to and fro her law office and never had time for the field trips.
• I hated running, but did it anyway because it was supposed to be good for me and, after all, I was a fitness professional.
• I secretly thought about marrying for money so I didn't have to work so dam hard, could travel and do lunch without being a wreck from exhaustion like a lot of my clients did.

Today I am working on being honest to myself and being myself.  At times I am not as pleasing as I once was.  I am not holding my tongue when asked my opinion, however, I am not cruel.  And I am no longer dancing on eggshells to ensure an other's comfort.  I may not be considered 'correct' anymore to those who I allowed to define my worth.

I wished I had listened to myself and not run all those boring hours, maybe I could have avoided knee surgery.  And I love being nearly debt free even though I don't drive a fancy car or wear clothes advertised in Vogue.  I am happy as hell I married for love, I've see the alternative.   My boys are perfect, just the way they are and no amount of breast milk or going to a pretentious school could make them any better.  And I have the best memories of smelly buses hauling screaming, wiry kids to museums and pumpkin patches

For now, I am cool to some and I am happy a good amount of time.  I guess you could say I am content.

As for validation, here is the bate:  What does contentment mean to you?  Who validates you?  What makes you happy?

Feasting Friday, It's All About Food!

My Favorite Bodeci-ful Cookbooks


I thought I would have more to offer up for this post.  But the fact is, I am picky as all get out when it comes to food and there really aren't many cookbooks I feel are bodeci-ful.  (What is bodeci-ful, you ask?  Bodeci is:  an attitude of 'I'm human and flawed' mixed with excellence.  Pleasure with responsibility?  Get your ass moving and stop eating so damn much.  Take a look at a past post for an even more abstract definition.)

The Bodeci-ful requirements for a cookbook are:

• Delicious recipes.  
• Emphasis on health without limiting food groups.
• Easy to prepare recipes without hard to find ingredients. 
• Use of fresh, local and organic ingredients whenever possible
• Nutrition facts including calories, fats (broken down between the good and the bad), carbohydrates, protein, sodium, cholesterol and fiber.
• Attractive pictures.

One of my favorite recipes from Ellie Krieger's cookbook, The Food You Crave.
Soba Noodle-Vegetable Salad

Ellie Krieger has two great cookbooks, but my all time favorite is "The Food You Crave". What sets it apart is it has real family appeal.  Even kids enjoy these recipes.  My husband got into a mood last year and actually cooked nearly every recipe in it.  The other really outstanding feature is that she is a nutritionist, a mom and works outside the home.  There is some valuable nutrition information and pantry/ grocery lists that educate us so we make better choices.  It is the book I give to my clients when they want to make changes with their weight and diet.

In "So Easy" she moves things forward into emore simple meal plans and creative recipes.  Both cookbooks are fantastic and I love her gentle spirit.

Ellie Krieger is just so darn beautiful, simple and REAL!

These two cookbooks have tasty and easy recipes with tight calorie budgets:  "Easy Healthy" and "Just 100 Calories" are both a Parragon Book.   I am guessing this means there is no author.  I cannot find an author's name anywhere, only a little heart logo with "love food" written over it.  

Parragon Books seems to have a simple model for their books; attractive, glossy photos and simple, tasty recipes.

Easy recipes, tight calories, YUMMY

The only "diet" cookbook I really like is the "Flat Belly Diet Cookbook" by Liz Vaccariello with Cynthia Sass, MPH RD.  It is filled with mouth-watering recipes and has all the bodeci-ful bells and whistles.  I do not endorse weight loss diets but I do recommend a the type of eating lifestyle these gals offer up in this book.  The main ideas for the promotion of weight loss are:  eating less calories, certain fats are helpful and a primarily Mediterranean diet is the best model. 

Once again, the food is really delicious.  

Yes, pasta!  Yes, cheese! Yes tomatoes!!!!

Do you have a favorite Bodeci-ful cookbook?  Perhaps you have a recipe that you have made Bodeci-ful.    What can you not live without when it comes to food?  I must know!  

Workout Wednesday, Bloggers Back Pain

Stretch! Psoas not to Hurt!


(I know, really cute play on words.)  In last weeks "Workout Wednesday", I discussed the psoas (pronounced "so as") muscles and their importance in our core strength.  There is so much more to these guys than I can discuss today, yet most of us have no idea how common hip and back pain are associated with tight or unused psoas muscles.  Why?  Because we sit so darn much!

Without boring you to tears, the lower section of the psoas is the hip floexors.  When the hip flexors are flexed a lot of the time, they will shorten up, resulting in a tight psoas.

Where the psoas attaches to the hip is the "hip flexors".  (Diagram courtesy of StrongLifts.)

In my class last night, Nancy, my trusted sub-instructor, a Physical Therapist, had this to say:  "The psoas is like a pair of suspenders that run from our pelvis up to our lumbar spine."   Well, these suspenders begin to think they should stay shortened and contracted after prolonged sitting.  When they get tight, so does our QL (quadratus lumorum), a muscle in our low back region, and our illiocus, internal hip muscles.   And, let us not forget our sciatica, as it too can be negatively affected by all this tightening!

OK, so, what do you do about it?  Stretch, stretch, stretch!  And here's how:

Begin in this position.  Think: Lengthening from the front hip up through spine.
Tuck pelvis enough to feel the front of the hip (my right).

If you require more, elevate arms overhead and reach from your hips and spine, not your arms.
Tuck your tailbone a bit more.

And if you can handle a bit more, lean back from the low spine, pull up and back, not arching from the low back.

The stretch can be performed while standing.   So, there is no excuse NOT to do them!

I am proposing that you do these stretches every half hour you are seated.  Just try it!  Let me know how it feels.

Me Monday. It's Your Life!

Stop Body Bashing!

In last Monday’s post I shared the story of a conversation I’d overheard between two women at a restaurant.  They were hell-bent on pointing out every perceived flaw on their body.

This is simply a photo of attractive women.  They look happy to be together.

What if these women, I called Barbie and Sandy, had accepted a compliment instead of bashing their bodies?  How different would the conversation have been?  

Since it is my post, I am going to re-write the dialogue:

“You look great!” yelled Barbie over the din of the restaurant, “Lucky you.  I would love to wear shorts like that.", she continued.

Sandy, a tallish forty-something woman with a dark knot of a bun at the nap of her long neck, looked fit and vibrant; she possessed a confident posture and rich smile.  “Thanks.  I feel great.” She replied, punctuating her words.  “Jack and I haven’t been doing the nightly cocktails, I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders!”

“You what.  How in the heck are you doing?”,  Barbie, a petite, rosy-cheeked blond, asked.  Her eyebrows pulled up at the bridge of her button nose framing her concerned blue eyes.  She shook her pixied head in disbelief, “Aren’t you going crazy without your vino?  Geez, I’m proud of you.”, Barbie put up her right hand to Sandy’s reciprocal hand in a gentle high five, they held them together for a moment.

Sandy laughed then said, “Look at those ‘guns’ of yours!  What have you been doing?”

Look at those guns, Barbie!

“Nice of you to notice.  I started doing push-ups against a park bench during my regular walks.  Amazing how a little goes a long way.”  Barbie flexed her right biceps beaming her signature “inside-out” smile.

When we take care of our bodies to the best our lifestyle can handle, what more can we ask of it?  Do we suck fat from our thighs, add saline to our boobs, break a few ribs or squeeze into a suffocating body slimmer?  These are our choices, too, but when do we say, “when”?  When do we say, “thank you” to our bodies for the thirty, forty, fifty, sixty or more years it has nursed babies, run after toddlers, sat on freezing, hard bleachers, jogged around our neighborhoods, scrubbed floors, herded through airport security, pretzeled into yoga poses or simply functioned in good health?

"I'm just getting started?"

There is so much more joy in life when we cease to focus on how we measure up to some rating system of the acceptable body.  When we focus on feeling good in our body without shame, we are more present for our loved ones and careers.  Even better, we are more present to ourselves and, as a result, exude a confidence that is irresistible! 

I am asking each and every one of you NOT to body-bash the entire day.  Tell me how it feels. Was it easy or hard for you?  I’d love to hear your experience!

We are still those women from our past.  We still want to play.  We still want acceptance.
 It starts with the one looking at you in the mirror!

Feasting Friday, All About Food!

Super Bowl Sunday

Adrienne and I eating desert.  Yummy!

 The play-off games were last Sunday and Randy wanted a few friends over to watch the game.  “I’ve got it all under control!”, he assured me,  “You don’t have to do a thing!” 

Those words always have me feeling just a bit nervous.

He set to the task of preparing his “famous” Buffalo wings and BBQ beef ribs on the Friday before the game.  Secret sauces and special seasonings where covertly blended and sampled with a chemists precision.  Special cuts of drumettes were ordered and by Sunday he was up at the crack of dawn pre-baking the ribs and those little legs were sizzling in hot oil.

Crispy, sweet/ hot drumettes tastes great dipped in Blue Cheese dressing.

In the meantime, a few weeks after the holidays I had declared a moratorium on rich, crappy food and was wondering how in the heck I would fare with the kinds of dishes I knew would predominate.  I had recently heard that the absolute worst types of foods were consumed on Super Bowl Sunday.  Would Play-off Sunday be similar? 

These little whole-grain crackers from Trader Joe's take the place of chips.    Tastes great!

I decided I would do my usual plan:  the 80/20 Rule!  I would eat only 20% of my calories from the crappy department and the other 80% would come from lean and healthy foods. 

A homemade coleslaw dressed in a light Italian.

Randy did a bang-up job with the chicken and ribs, but I think I would have used our regular dinnerware over paper plates and I am certain I would have used our basic white napkins (whose presence creates a tinge of guilt as they look a lot like those used at the restaurant both of my son’s worked at down the street) instead of the paper ones.  I refrained from any suggestions, not an easy feat for me.

The food was ready and set out within a few minutes of our guests arriving.  They could nosh whenever they wanted.

I home made a thirst quenching honey, Meyer lemonade and a delectable vanilla ice cream to accompany the tart. I realized later we didn’t serve chips& dip or the bottomless nut bowl.  We didn’t have sliced breads or cubed cheeses.  Adrienne brought these little pizzas for an appetizer (and a delicious raspberry tart both from Trader Joe’s), but the food was done so we just dug in to everything immediately.

Great little pastry-style pizza-ettes from...yes, TJ's!

When our guests asked what they could bring to our shin-dig, I suggested delicious vegetable based side dishes.  The idea is to have plenty of the healthier stuff along with the not-so-healthy.  I’m thinking this model would be a good one for a Super Bowl party.  What will you serve at your Super Bowl party?  Or what dish will you bring to one?  Who will you be rooting for?

A lovely salad, kind of like my Greek salad recipe below.

 One of my favorite easy tote-cuisine is Spinach Greek Salad ala Bodeci.

You can buy everything at Trader Joe’s and buy organic whenever possible.

Serves 6

1 bag ready-to-use, baby spinach

1 red bell pepper, sliced in thin strips

1 red onion, sliced in thin rings

½ basket cherry tomatoes

½ seeded, peeled and sliced cucumber

1 small jar marinated artichokes, drained

½ cup Greek olives, pitted or un-pitted

¼ cup toasted pine nuts (Heat a non-stick skillet to medium high, toss in the nuts, shake them around for a few minutes to get all sides, then remove to a separate dish until ready to toss in salad.)

½ cup crumbled Feta cheese

2 Tblsp. extra virgin olive oil and 1 Tblsp.  White or red wine vinegar or

¼ cup Trader Joe’s Greek salad dressing

Sea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

Toss everything together and serve.  Omit or add other vegetables, legumes or nuts.  Change quantities to taste.

Workout Wednesday, Whine-free Zone

Fix Your Back, Flatten Your Tummy!


You’ve done a million crunches and every variety of abdominal exercises but can’t understand why your firm belly bulges and your low back feels so tight.  This malady may be due to unused psoas muscles, the deep, inner muscles that begin at the front of the hip near the pubis, run up and attach to the spine. You will need to learn how to control and balance these elusive muscles so that you can correct the postural reflexes that create the problem.

The Psoas can be a real pain!!  Do you ever feel discomfort in your hips or groin (or both)?

Tight (not to be confused with strong) psoas muscles will pull the spine forward along with the abdominal content, causing protrusion. You may feel pain deep in your hips and/ or groin and may easily fatigue when extending your legs above the floor (see photo A).  It is less an issue of strengthening these muscles and more about how to use them effectively that changes the dynamic that has created the problem.

Photo A

In order to understand exactly where your psoas muscles are, lie on your back and bend your left knee in towards your chest, holding it there with both hands.  Lengthen the right leg while turning that foot slightly inward and push your spine towards the floor.  You should feel a lengthening sensation on your right hip flexors (front of hip) and deep within your core along the right side.  You may reach your arms overhead for an even deeper stretch.

Discover your psoas
by holding the left knee in towards your chest an turning your right foot inward.
(a) Pull in your left knee

Control and balance exercises are not the same as strengthening the Psoas.  It is more neurological and less physiological exercises that help create the positive changes you want to see. Begin by laying on your back, (a) inhale and bring the left knee in towards chest (b) then exhale and extend the leg, hovering just above the floor, while maintaining stability in your core. Start with twenty repetitions and then repeat on your right.  If your back is strong enough you can lift the stationary leg off the floor a few inches, but it is highly recommended you try only a few of these at a time until you are sure you can perform the entire set without straining your low back.

(b)  Extend the left leg fully while maintaining stability in your trunk.
I have used a small rolled towel under Adrienne's neck to help her to relax the muscles of her cervical vertebra.


Here is another variation:  Instead of bending and extending your leg, try abducting your leg out to the side (try to keep your toes facing the ceiling) and adducting in again while keeping the opposite hip anchored to the floor.

Adrienne holds her hand atop her left hip as a reminder to 

keep it from moving while abducting the other leg.

I add a “moving” bridge between sets to help relax and “free” your spine. Think of your spine as a strand of pearls and roll your hips up and continue to elevate until only your upper shoulders are left on the floor.  Return your spine to the floor by rolling the spine one vertebra at a time down onto the floor until your tailbone touches the floor, then relax and do it again a few more times!

Thank you, Adrienne, for allowing me to photograph you for this post!

Me Monday, Focus on the Inner You

The Age of Body-Bashing


As a part of my training, Adrienne, of the The Rich Life on a Budget,  asked me what it is I want to share on my blog.  She suggested I get more specific, maintain my passion for wellness and blog on a regular schedule.  I can do that!  It’s how I work with my clients!

Please allow me to introduce:  Me Mondays ( focus on self-empowerment), Workout Wednesdays (my favorite and most effective body changing techniques) and Feasting Fridays (great recipes) -  all with a Bodeci attitude!

I make my body a priority as a result of my business. 
I know most people would say I have an attractive, fit body generally. 

Let’s get on with Me Monday.

Lately, I’ve noticed there seems to be an unsaid rule of conduct for women to speak poorly about their bodies.  Like the latest fashion, women are buying into an attitude, encouraged by the media, to rip on their butts or belly or arms …or all three.

I was made painfully aware of this behavior while having with lunch with a friend a few months ago.  A group of six women sat at the table next to us celebrating a friend’s birthday.  Their table was a noisy combination of laughter, expletives and exasperation.  When two women wanted to converse, they had to raise their voices to be heard.  I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.  It went something like this:

“You look so great”, yelled the pretty blonde woman, who I call Barbie, “I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing shorts like that!” , she continued.

“But, look at your arms”, rebutted the other attractive brunette I named Sandy, “I swear mine are like cottage cheese in a plastic bag.  I’m sure as hell not wearing a sleeveless top like you!”

But give me a compliment and I am quick to point to my flaws.

“I’ve never had a problem with my upper body, it’s my ass and thighs that are so gross!” replied Barbie

“Hey, it’s not just my arms I’m hiding under this peasant top, honey, my gut has gotten so disgusting!”, says Sandy.  And on it went like a tennis match.

Later when the gang got up to leave, I saw Sandy’s long, sleek legs in a pair of mid-thigh, khaki shorts and wedged espadrilles.  She topped her look with a gauzy peasant top.  Barbie had on a long flowing skirt, a bright, fitted tank top and a wide leather belt that accentuated her narrow waist.  Both of these women could turn heads; they were very attractive and dressed to play off their individual body shapes and unique beauty.

My friend and I realized how often we do what Barbie and Sandy had done; put our bodies down as a counter to a compliment.  I call it body-bashing.  Has body-bashing become a socially acceptable norm today?  Do we do it because we feel uncomfortable when another notices our personal beauty or are we fishing for more compliments?  

I am interested in how you receive a compliment about your physical appearance.  How do you respond? 

It's my fifty-three year old belly and it is one I should be grateful for!