There was a bit of catching up to do, so I didn't make my blog a priority for a while. I had bigger fish to fry like finishing all those half-done projects that took up precious space in my world, not to mention, made me feel guilty. I also got rid of the old and out-dated piles of stuff (or those projects that never made sense in the first place). I had to decide what was no longer working for me and be prepared to change it.
|The pool was no longer working for me. It cost a bunch of $ to maintain and I felt guilty for not swimming more. |
So I had it changed it into a Koi pond. (Thanks Randy!)
First, let me share with you how amazing it feels to not lug around that heavy, old, tired load of doubt, guilt, worry and shame. I still have just enough of those feelings to make sure I am not living in exalted joy twenty-four/ seven, but, I have to wonder why I continued to do those things that kept me pretty much in the same darn place I'd been at for a while; unfulfilled. (And guilty because how dare me not feel fulfilled when I have so much to be grateful for!)
I have worked at being on a spiritual path for most of my adult life and have read most of the self-help, spiritual and psyche themed books out there, but often, I'd feel more shame after reading those books than I did before; maybe I'm just not as good a person as they are.
But this isn't about spiritualism, this is about self-acceptance and without it, I would never be able feel the gratitude I was supposed to feel or "live in the present" when I was constantly worrying about my future. I finally forced myself to get rid of what was creating the self-doubt in the first place so that I could get the hell out of my way and on to living my joy. There comes a time in our lives when we need to get over our childhood, or whatever the story is we hold on to that keeps us a victim in our life. So, I worked in a practical mode; no more reading about it!
I decided to work on one thing at a time, just like I suggest to my clients. And, I decided, I would begin with what I never thought I would ever get rid of from my lifestyle: The first thing I got rid of was drinking alcohol.
And then everything just started taking care of itself. It is pretty cool what those kinds of shifts in our lifestyle can do for us! We are the ones who make our choices...