120 Days Later....

120 days ago today I made the decision to go alcohol free.  Free of alcohol?  Yes, free.

As a result:

• I seem to have become a bit more creative.  I entered three pieces of my art in the Sonoma County Fair and received a first, second and a third place.  And I really enjoyed the creative process while I was painting these pieces.  
• I feel improved sleep, digestion, skin, memory, energy and overall aging issues in general.
• I feel more confident; I mean there is nothing like knowing I could be called on in an emergency late at night after a party.
• I feel more available to my loved ones and more present in my daily routine.
• I feel powerful as a role model to my children and others.
• No longer have the "monkey-on-my-back" syndrome.  ("Did I say something stupid last night?  What did so-and-so say again?  I wouldn't be feeling like this if I didn't have that last drink at the party.  Oh, gawd!  Did I really do such-and-such?"
• I do not count calories.
• Feel a bit leaner around my waist and face. 
• Love seeing the bright whites of my eyes when I wake early (feeling refreshed and not groggy).
• I cannot dull the anxiety of stress from my roles in life and relationships (with the wonder drug of America!)
• Have learned to cope with the hard edges of life with a new found attitude; I like myself and and I do not need to fix everything right now.  I am OK today!
• I am more calm.
• I am more patient.
• I am more forgiving of myself and others.
• I bounce back from my monthly, long (airports, cancelled flights, delays, on my feet non-stop) weekend, travels seamlessly and ready to train and teach upon my return.
• Feel a new high!  Clear energy!

I have become a fan of the San Francisco Giant's.  Now Randy wants me to go with him to the games.
He is still far more intense and into the actual game.  I like the personalities of the players...and the food!

This time last year I was thinking about cutting back on my drinking.  I thought perhaps 4 ounces of wine a day (for health purposes) would be the way to go.  I think I thought the same thing a year before that and even the year before that.  An on and on.  I do not judge the moderate drinker (or the heavy drinker, for that matter) because I know how much a part of our lives alcohol is, especially here in the wine country!   And, a drink or two is considered "good for you".  (Adrienne, of the Rich Life on a Budget, wrote about her personal experience with A-Fib and it's relationship to alcohol.)

I also know the flip side of the overall "benefits" of drinking alcohol.  We are all different in what we want for ourselves and how we spend our time on this earth.  And we will change our priorities with age.  Alcohol simply ceased to work for me anymore.  It became more of a nuisance than a pleasure.  

I never thought I had a problem with alcohol and I still do not think I had a problem with it.  I didn't go through withdrawals or anything physically uncomfortable, but I did go through a period where I had to make the conscious choice to not drink.  It wasn't that difficult and it is really OK if it were occasionally.  I don't have to be comfortable all the time.  

Get Out of Your Way!

I moved out of my way and into to my life.  Yep!  My Life.  And right now I feel fantastic!

There was a bit of catching up to do, so I didn't make my blog a priority for a while.  I had bigger fish to fry like finishing all those half-done projects that took up precious space in my world, not to mention, made me feel guilty.  I also got rid of the old and out-dated piles of stuff (or those projects that never made sense in the first place).  I had to decide what was no longer working for me and be prepared to change it.

The pool was no longer working for me.  It cost a bunch of $ to maintain and I felt guilty for not swimming more.
So I had it changed it into a Koi pond.  (Thanks Randy!)

First, let me share with you how amazing it feels to not lug around that heavy, old, tired load of doubt, guilt, worry and shame.  I still have just enough of those feelings to make sure I am not living in exalted joy twenty-four/ seven, but, I have to wonder why I continued to do those things that kept me pretty much in the same darn place I'd been at for a while; unfulfilled. (And guilty because how dare me not feel fulfilled when I have so much to be grateful for!)

I have worked at being on a spiritual path for most of my adult life and have read most of the self-help, spiritual and psyche themed books out there, but often, I'd feel more shame after reading those books than I did before; maybe I'm just not as good a person as they are.

But this isn't about spiritualism, this is about self-acceptance and without it, I would never be able feel the gratitude I was supposed to feel or "live in the present" when I was constantly worrying about my future.  I finally forced myself to get rid of what was creating the self-doubt in the first place so that I could get the hell out of my way and on to living my joy.  There comes a time in our lives when we need to get over our childhood, or whatever the story is we hold on to that keeps us a victim in our life.  So, I worked in a practical mode; no more reading about it!

I decided to work on one thing at a time, just like I suggest to my clients.  And, I decided, I would begin with what I never thought I would ever get rid of from my lifestyle:  The first thing I got rid of was drinking alcohol.

And then everything just started taking care of itself.  It is pretty cool what those kinds of shifts in our lifestyle can do for us!  We are the ones who make our choices...